Today

Today.

Today is the start of a new chapter for me.

Today, I will unlock and open a door that I’ve never unlocked and opened before. A door to my own place. I will be fully responsible for it, for taking care of it, and for what happens there.

I don’t know why this is so important to me, this independence. Perhaps because of the days and nights I’ve cried through poor choices and what sometimes felt like no choices at all.

Today, I go from transient to settled. I will put up my books and pictures and art and awards. I will read and write and cook and entertain and do all of the things I love here.

I don’t know why this is so important to me, this settledness. Perhaps it has something to do with  three college campuses in four years, or ten jobs in nine years (I often worked two or more to get through college), or the countless churches.

I just know I’m grateful.

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This picture isn’t accurate, you know.

I mean, the words are, but the image itself … That isn’t how it works.

When God asks you to give Him your ratty teddy bear, it’s not usually because He has a bigger, better one in store for you. Sometimes, maybe.

When God asked me to give Him my ratty teddy bear, nearly three years ago now, that’s what I was expecting: a bigger, better version of the dream to which I’d fiercely clung.

He gave me something else.

He helped me find my identity – who I am, who I want to be.

He helped me find my voice – what I want to say, and perhaps more importantly, what I don’t want to say.

He helped me find my passion – the people and things that inspire and motivate me to action.

And now, He’s helped me into a place of my own.

A place to expand and dream and live.

And so even though there is no bigger, better teddy bear, there is something I’ve been needing.

So, today.

Today, I’m excited.

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