God Says ‘No’

God says, “No.”

I’ve had God tell me “no” a disheartening amount of times in the past three years and three months.  Most of the time, when He says “no,” I’m not discouraged for myself.  I really just dread telling my parents and others who pray for me on this job search journey.   I get everyone’s hopes up along with my own, and I really hate letting everyone down.  I am crushed when people inform me I’m not fighting hard enough or that I’m somehow putting myself in a position to not get hired.

But as hard as that is, with every position I’m rejected from, I get this gut feeling that it wasn’t the right position for me anyway, and I tend to accept it without much trouble.

Not. This. Time.

This time it was quite literally my dream job on the line.  I typically apply for jobs that either fit my experience OR my education.  This time, to my great excitement, the position fit both.

I’ve also been praying quite specifically for eight months now for a job that will utilize and develop my skill set.  I want a position I can grow in.  This position would have allowed for that.

I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed an interview as much as I enjoyed this one.  I felt able to be completely myself, because that was who was needed in that interview.  I was happy with how it went. (And I’m rarely happy with how my interviews go).

I thought for sure God would say “yes” to this one.

But He didn’t.

He said, “No.”

Friends,  I don’t need to hear some cliché about God closing the door because He has just the right window for me to climb out, or praising God in the hallway while I wait for Him to open just the right door.

Here’s the reality.  I’m not in the hallway.  God has opened doors and provided opportunities and He expects me to make the most out of them, not be always thinking forward to something I deem “better.” (Or “best” for that matter).

In saying “no” to this opportunity…

  • God has said yes to three part-time jobs.
  • God has said yes to writing when I have the time.  (Lemmetellya, that’s rare these days).
  • God has said yes to a continued job search.
  • God has said yes to building friendships with current co-workers. (And who knows what will happen with that?)
  • God has said yes to me enduring through a specific issue that often makes me feel desperate, hopeless and small.
  • God has said yes to me enduring through mounting pressure from all sides to have my life together.

I know sometimes God seems to opens doors that seem beyond perfect for people:  their careers, their locales, their spouses.  Bam, bam, bam – these things line up for them.  I look at this kind of success, and I’m tempted to wonder what they did right, and what I’m doing wrong.  (Granted, other people vocalizing these things to me is not helpful in this regard).

The reality is,  these people have done nothing “right” to deserve this, and I’ve done nothing “wrong.”  The reality is,  God opens doors to people to place them where HE wants to grow and use them.  The reality is, our desire to be where God wants us and our willingness to trust HIM is the only thing that will get us where He wants us to go – whether that be what I consider smashing human success or struggling just to survive.

From the moment I applied to the moment I was rejected, I put the decision in God’s hands.  Of course, I pleaded to be given this job, but I ultimately gave it to Him and trusted His decision.  I fully expected Him to say “yes”, but I left it with Him.  And He said “no.”

That means I am exactly where He wants me to be, hard as that is to process at this moment.

Oh, you know what else God said “yes” to?

“Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders/Let me walk upon the waters/Wherever You would call me/Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander/And my faith will be made stronger/In the presence of my Savior.”

“Til You are my One Desire/Til You are my One True Love/Til You are my Breath, my Everything/Lord, please keep making me.”